


Growing Up

by whimsicalwombat



Series: Life is a Series of Impossible Choices [3]
Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Aram is basically just snoozing in the background, Gen, follow up oneshot to a multific, kind of a future AU fic kind of thing, one shot is almost entirely Samar and Leila, poor Samar has to start answering the difficult questions, you'll get the idea
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2017-11-10
Packaged: 2019-01-31 09:56:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12679533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whimsicalwombat/pseuds/whimsicalwombat
Summary: Leila isn't five years old anymore. Samar comes home late at night from an assignment, rattled after seeing one of her teammates hurt, and her now twelve year old daughter finds her in the kitchen. Despite always wanting to shield Leila from the horrors of her job, Samar is forced to face the reality; her little girl is growing up, and sometimes they need to talk about things.





	Growing Up

**Author's Note:**

> Voila! One of many post-LIWWMOI one shot ideas I've been sitting on. I was hoping to write Grandparents!Saram first, but for some reason this particular one just came to me and yelled louder than the others. (Also yes, for those of you that read the original multific, I do indeed have some headcanons -for lack of a better word- about Leila and Avi's future kids or rather, Samar and Aram's grandkids. There are four of the little munchkins!)
> 
> Anyway. That's enough of me rambling on. Enjoy!
> 
> (Story timeline date; Wednesday, August 23, 2028)

Another operation away from home, and another late return. It was also yet another of the rarer occasions where Samar returned home with a sinking feeling inside. She guided the door closed behind her to be as quiet as possible, all the while casting a half-hearted glance at the cell phone in her other hand. The bright screen illuminated the hallway around her, those tiny numbers reading 2:16am. The house was silent, save for the sound of her soft footsteps creeping quietly from the door, through the living room and into the kitchen. Aram and the kids would all be sound asleep and for once, Samar was glad that her return home wasn't at a time where all three would be bounding towards her, arms open wide until simultaneous impact.  

She leaned over the sink, only half paying attention to the water from the faucet splashing her fingertips while she tried to fill a glass. Samar forced herself to concentrate on her breathing, on steadying herself like she normally did. All she needed to do was breathe; she was unhurt, nobody was dying. The only reason she was still shaken by the time she returned home was because her whole team had rushed out of their raid site and straight to the hospital, before immediately scattering to their respective homes as soon as the doctors had said their one injured member would be ok. Normally, they would have had time to gather in a safe house and debrief after an operation, but with plans going sideways in hostile territory and the need to seek safety before discovery ranking far higher than anything else... None of them had time to breathe and let that unsettled feeling of seeing a teammate injured pass before parting ways.  

'Mom?' A soft voice emerging from the edge of the room made Samar jump.    
'Leila,' she gasped. Samar took a second, catching her breath as she watched her daughter now slowly crossing the room towards her; 'you made me jump.' Samar took another deep breath, trying to slow down her heart rate and its adrenaline fuelled edge. At the very least for Leila's sake, she needed to  _look_  calm.    
'Sorry,' Leila mumbled back, bowing her head slightly. The expression on Samar's face instantly softened and she set her glass on the counter, instead reaching out to tousle her daughter's sleep mussed curls in the attempt to bring back the smile.    
'Did I wake you?' She asked softly.    
'No.' Leila shook her head; 'I just needed a glass of water and I heard you come in.' The little girl gazed up at her, her brow furrowed just ever so slightly, and with that look in her eyes that was all too familiar. It was contemplative, almost analytical in fact –not unlike that quiet, thoughtful, calculating look that crossed Samar's face when she studied a scene unfolding before her. It was a look that seemed far too wise, and too earnest on the face of a twelve year old. 'Are you ok, Mom?' Samar nodded quickly.    
'Mmhmm, I'm fine.'   
'Was someone hurt?' Leila's questioning gaze held hers, and Samar hesitated. There were few people who could rattle her composure like that; she was trained to appear calm in the face of the world's worst criminals... But in the face of her innocent, little girl asking if  _she_  was ok? All Samar wanted to do was protect her daughter from the sorts of horrors that she had seen earlier in the day, not the reverse. Usually, she tried not to let the occasional effects of her job show at home where either Leila or Avi would see... But this time, she was caught.    
'Leila...' Samar slowly began; 'it was just a business conference, honey.' 

Leila's furrowed brow knitted into a tighter frown.  

'I'm not five years old anymore, Mom,' she insisted, though still gently. 'I know what Mossad is and I know what it means when you say you have to go away to a business conference.' Samar winced, instantly cursing the apparent flip side to allowing an intelligent child to explore her curiosity about the world around her and read the news on occasion.   
'How long have you known?' She asked softly.    
'A while,' Leila murmured back, 'but I didn't want to say anything because Avi hasn't figured it out yet.' 

A breath caught in Samar's throat. She wrapped her arms around Leila and pulled her in close, burying her face in the top of her daughter's hair. Leila had always been wise and thoughtful for her age, and Samar had always felt a certain comfort in holding her children close, but  _that..._  Knowing that Leila was already intent on trying to protect her younger brother from the horrors of the world at least for a little while longer, and at the very same age that Samar herself had been when she had to take charge of her own brother after their parents died... All at once it was both painful and a beautiful relief.  

'Thank you,' she breathed. Leila stayed comfortably wrapped in her arms, but those wide, earnest eyes peered up at her mother once more.    
'So what happened?' She pressed again –albeit gently. Samar hesitated before responding; as clever and as sensible as Leila was, she was also still so very young. Twelve was not age where she was ready to hear  _all_  the details of Samar's job, no matter how ready Leila  _thought_ she was.  

And yet, she was old enough to start asking questions, and to recognise when things were wrong. She was old enough to start realising the potential implications of her parents' jobs, old enough to want to talk about them, and to be upset when she couldn't. 

It was time to start letting her in, at least at a gentle pace. There was only so much they could do to stop her from figuring out more of the truth for herself instead, and it would be far better for it not to go that way.  

Samar pulled back, just enough to gesture towards the couch and for Leila to sit beside her. She did so, curling into Samar's side and resting her head on her shoulder, all the while letting out a yawn –all reminders of the difficult crossroads of her current age; mature enough and reaching ever closer to her teen years, but most definitely still a child too.  

'One of my friends was hurt,' Samar quietly began to explain. Leila glanced up in an instant, eyes wide with concern. 'He'll be ok, but we weren't sure at the time. The rest of us were right behind him.'   
'Was Uncle Levi there?' Leila asked, through another soft yawn.    
'He was,' Samar gave a slow nod, trying to stop her brain from flashing back to the explosion that her whole team had so narrowly missed, 'but he's ok as well.'   
'But you came pretty close to being hurt too...' Leila's eyes continued to study her own, as she put two and two together. 'That and seeing your friend hurt... It upsets you, doesn't it?'   
'Yes... It does.' The words nearly caught in Samar's throat before she could let them out; not because she was ashamed in the slightest, but simply because it hurt to think she was possibly starting Leila along the path towards losing the wonder of childhood innocence. It was inevitable –after all, they couldn't keep Leila wrapped in cotton wool forever- but that still didn't make it easy, and Samar wasn't entirely sure that even _she_  was ready to start answering those difficult questions. She took a breath, determined to reassure Leila just as much as she had to let her in; 'but I'll be ok.'   
'Does it scare you?' Leila asked quietly. 'Your job and knowing how dangerous it is, I mean.'   
'Sometimes,' Samar admitted, letting out a deep breath. Her brow furrowed with concern; 'does it scare you?'   
'Sometimes.' Leila reluctantly nodded back, biting her lip as if nervous to say so; 'sometimes I worry that something will happen and you won't come home. Dad does too.'   
'I know.' Samar pressed a slow kiss to the top of Leila's head; 'I’m sorry, honey.' It was no surprise that Leila worried about her just as Aram did; every time Samar left for an assignment away from home, Aram made a point of telling her to be safe. However, it stung to think her daughter felt the need to keep her fears hidden, or that she was nervous to admit them in an attempt at strength and bravery. Once again Samar internally cursed herself; that was the unfortunate flip side of trying to keep her own job-related stresses away from the kids so as not to let it affect them too. And, no matter how often she and Aram encouraged Leila and Avi to talk to them about anything, of course their strong-willed daughter who took so much after her mother had inherited the tendency to bottle up her feelings.  

Leila though, simply stared up at her, seemingly steadying herself as Samar always did, and a look of earnest determination crossed her face. 

'But I know that you do your job to help people, and to keep them safe,' she added, 'and that's important.' Samar couldn't help but flash back to holding Leila in her arms the day she was born. Back then it was hard to imagine having a conversation with her like the one they were having now. But Leila wasn't a baby anymore. Now, she was growing up; she was smart, thoughtful, and had that strong sense of justice deep within... And Samar never ceased to be amazed by or proud of her.   
'You know how much I love you, right?' Samar murmured. Hazel eyes crinkled as the little girl nestled into her side broke into another yawn.   
'Uh huh.'   
'Good.' Samar slowly rose from the couch, giving her bleary-eyed daughter an affectionate nudge to prompt her to do the same; 'now, I think it's time to go back to bed. It's a big day tomorrow.'   
'You mean, later today,' Leila drolly chuckled back. Samar rolled her eyes in mock exasperation. Technically Leila wasn't wrong; it was, after all, the early hours of the morning. 

...The early hours of Leila's twelfth birthday.  

'Hey, Mom?' Leila began again, the two of them now ambling side by side through the semi darkness of the house. 'If you're still sad later... You don't have to come to the zoo if you don't want to.'   
'There is no way on  _earth_  that I am going to stay home on your birthday, ladybug,' Samar murmured back. They paused, just beyond the doorway to Leila's room. A sleepy smile tugged at Leila's lips, and Samar rested gentle fingertips along those still slightly baby-ish cheeks. 'This smile right here is all I need to feel better,' she whispered. Samar leaned in, dotting one last kiss to the top of Leila's head; 'go on, back to bed, birthday girl.' Leila lingered there a second longer, all too comfortable nestled in her mother's arms. Somehow, as unnerving as it was to have that conversation, the immediate aftermath of it felt like a huge weight lifted from both their shoulders.    
'Good night, Mom,' Leila's quiet voice mumbled into Samar's shirt, before the little girl slowly disentangled herself.    
'Good night, ladybug,' Samar softly replied, 'I'll see you in the morning.' She stayed by the doorway just long enough to watch her daughter clamber back into bed and go still, quickly falling asleep once more.  

Already, that unsettled feeling was fading.  

A small smile crossed Samar's face too, as she continued on her way through the house and crept quietly into the bedroom where Aram was still sound asleep. She crawled into the bed beside him, letting out a deep sigh of relief and contentment as she found that ever comfortable spot, curled into his side.  

It was good to be home.  


End file.
